Laurel's Blog

This is my blog.


haircut or tattoo? maybe it's time for a scar. boredom breeds destruction self or other and it figures i'd start to appreciate now, afterdeath. aftertaste of roadtrips is still in my head swimming somewhere with phrases i'd like to make into poetry. i think an october birthday has fated me to falling, tomorrow marks one more month of failure according to the chart and the little pink pills. yesterday my writing was marked with nooses and i hear new york's a vital place, maybe i'll try her for a year. boston turns me on but new york has more songs, and after all isn't that the determinant of one's worthiness of love? reading aloud my voice sounds like hers, her who i sometimes eminate, when i'm tired and it's easier to pretend i'm someone i'm not. things have turned now getting warmer out and now my room's the one with no heat. funny how you make me think so if i died tomorrow would i say that i lived today? scared or not i just read about zen, buddha made me think he'd be bad for me no not that him or that him they're all like one now.

ps - afterthoughts (i only live in retrospect): i'd say i lived but i wish i'd lived with you, and isn't it terrible that i'll still do nothing to change now.
posted by Laurel  # 11:36:00 PM


once again jealousy will punch me in the face.
looking up the definition of friend.

posted by Laurel  # 9:49:00 PM
I don’t remember when it was but I know
it was warm enough for you to wear a tshirt
blue, of that I’m certain because I
searched for that blue on the sidewalk
when I ran after you to say
you’re the reason I’ll stay.

there was more i wanted to say on that subject, but i dont have the energy now to finish to complete it no energy even for punctuation so i think instead ill lie in bed and play the four guitar chords i know that almost sound like a song if i play them right then ill listen to the song im supposed to be playing sung by someone who probably knows 10 or even 20 guitar chords and once again jealousy will punch me in the face and show me im tied up in cullophane that i can see but not breathe through


There's a part in there about run-on sentences. He's as crazed as I am, but has a better handle on coherency.

i have a gumball machine that offers advice. today's pink gumball says 'take a chance'. i wish i had the courage of a gumball.

You’re a contradicting labyrinth
with one way out and false exits
that exist
only to keep me from
the end.

I know the walls you grow
and each leaf of
each plant that
my prison, they
to me
a veined mirror.

ripped pants stuck
on the fence from
trying to escape
where there was no exit

You are a maze, a craze, an infatuation
for saturday afternoons-
a fling
for pajamed newspapered
sunday mornings
you’re an un-ruled jumble
a saturated Dalí
that gives more details
than I can interpret
than I can desire
than I can see, explain, maintain.

I have scars collecting
from thorns guarding
false escapes and I wonder now
how long will I walk
to find my exit,
to stumble to trip to
my way out.

posted by Laurel  # 8:54:00 PM


Sometimes I think God is like a little brother, tagging along and asking for money for ice cream - my religion the little sister who steals your makeup and hangs your underwear on the doorknob when your boyfriend's coming over.
posted by Laurel  # 12:32:00 AM


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